Being a Tomboy
I Wish I Was Male
I'll cut the story short a bit. I am a 25 year old female and I have ALWAYS liked things that male orientated...ie lego, building models, learning to fix my bike and car etc etc etc.. I even did 2 years of engineering!
In primary school i was the only girl who played sports with the boys at lunchtime.. i played with them without fail, and they accepted me as just another player...in grade 4 and 5 i wondered if all of this meant that i was a lesbian...but...im not because i always had secret crushes with like a music teacher, some other teachers and even a principal once..so...i was confused, and at the age of 25 i am even more confused! One weird thing i did (maybe due to slight autism) was have my socks up and tshirt tucked in at school every single day (even tho i didnt even realise every other kid didnt do this until i was in grade 6)..but..anyway...at the start of grade 7, i got picked to be on tv for a news segment because we got a new playground... so i was playing on it (i religiously wore a skirt to school, however i never did outside of school)... anyway, i was playing on it, and i slid down the pole thing, and my skirt lifted up infront of everyone! the principal and even the news cameraman! that was embarrassing! i never wore a skirt again until about the age of 22 years old! even if that incident never happened, outside of school i always wore a shirt and pairs of shorts and never gave a **** about what i looked like (ie i didnt even brush my hair or care about anything like that..well i wasnt taught anything about that either..different story)....in grade 6, i started pulling my tshirt down because i didnt want my breasts to show... anyway..going forward into adulthood, after i broke down mentally and got panic disorder, psychosis etc (www.psychopanic.com), i finally started to wear a skirt about 3 years ago, and just this month was the first time that i had ever worn a dress since the age of 12! besides all of that, it still hasnt changed my feelings to be male... why cant i be male for? i get alot angrier than some of them, i am smarter mechanical wise than alot of them, and i am tougher than a heap of them! i even did 2 years of a mechanical engineering course!..most of my jobs have been male orientated ones (ie forklift driver, storeperson etc etc), and now i am working at a refinery where there are only 2 other females to about 55 males... i have always felt WAY more comfortable around males, and i ABSOLUTELY hate talking about useless female stuff! i would rather go fishing and fix things instead of shopping for clothes and talking about useless gossip! as for sexuality, only in the past couple of months i have discovered that i am bisexual! maybe i have been this the whole time, or maybe i am a secret lesbian... i really dont know.. i have a boyfriend but these days i only seem to look at other females..i dont know.. so in the end, there have been ALOT of times where i wish i was born male - is it too late to be one? i dont know...but i would rather be a male in this stupid world than a female! if anyone else is remotely like me, you can email me at kitkatsavvy@gmail.com ok..thank you for listening to what i have to say!
p.s. ill edit this one day properly